Love, Friendship and Everything in between.

So I'm almost 100% sure that I am not the only person who does this.

I hope not anyway.

Every now and then I discover (and sometimes re-discover) songs that force  me to contemplate everything about my life. This happened to me a few days ago when I was driving home on a particularly nice evening from uni.

 I always play my music mega loud in my car and I tell people its because I like to feel the music 'soaking into my pores' but in reality its really only so that I can sing at the top of my lungs and not have to listen to my own voice.

Anyway, this is what I was doing when driving home the other night. Just driving down the A13 with Spotify on shuffle and enjoying life. 

Queue the life changing set of songs.

So I would suggest you give these songs a listen because they are honestly amazing.

Nirvana - Sam Smith.

Lay Me Down (Acoustic) - Sam Smith.

Strawberry Swing - Frank Ocean (Originally by Coldplay).

All these songs are so beautiful and as I sped home in my Fiat 500, I gave life a long, hard think about. 

~

Starting university is hard for everyone, but it was especially hard for me because it seemed to make things that used to be so easy for me, really really hard. 

It never occurred to me that happiness is sometimes only temporary, I always presumed that if you were happy, that was that. But that isn't the case. Which brings me to the first section of the incredibly cliché and not-so-original title of this emotion fest.

Love

Anyone who knows me will vouch for me when I tell you that my history of all things 'love' is very sketchy. But I thought I had that all figured out now. One big lesson that I have learnt is that when two people love each other it isn't enough to make things easy for them, relationships take hard work and trust and dedication - not just love. 

I'd be a liar if I said that the changes in my life haven't affected the wholeness of my heart and there have been more than a few times that things have felt too hard to bare. I feel like I understand more what people mean now when they say that growing up is the hardest thing a person has to do. Because growing up hurts. And, unfortunately, with growing up comes change. 

I have no idea where things are going to go and whats going to happen. All I know is that being a grown up means having to change and adapt to the people you love changing too. Growing up means growing together or growing apart and accepting what happens regardless. And it means that you have to work things out or make hard decisions like an adult should. I guess only time will tell what that means.

Moving swiftly on...

Friendship

Firstly I would like to express in a completely serious and non-sarcastic way how  lucky I feel to have stumbled across the amazing people that I met at Greenwich. They have made my experience so incredible so far and I truly believe that they will stay with me forever. (Or at least until I graduate and become a famous, rich barrister and then I'll be too rich and powerful to associate with those peasants - KIDDING, kidding...). Honestly though they're the best thing that could have happened to me at that place and I am honoured to call them my friends. 

Secondly, just want to say that I haven't forgotten about my best friends that may feel as though they have sometimes been left behind. Thats you two, Lauren Best and Katie McDermott (you better be reading this you slags). Again, I am so lucky to have two of the most special people on this planet that care so much for me and actually put up with my bullshit on a regular occurrence. I love you both, whole heartedly.

On a slightly sadder note, as I neared ever closer to home that night I couldn't help but to think about my friends from school. It got me ever so slightly teary thinking about how when I was at school I couldn't picture my life without some of those people and now I couldn't even tell you what they're doing with their lives. Life can be cruel like that, it pushes you away from the friends you love and it changes people so much that you forget the person you were when you met them. I miss you guys.

And lastly...

Everything In Between

So where is my life going now?

Well that is a great question and I wish I knew the damn answer. But I suppose if we had all the answers nothing would be interesting or exciting.

For now I'm just going to concentrate on 'finding myself' and figuring out who I want to be and what I want to do and where I want to go. 

If there is anything that university life has taught me its that there will always be somebody who has it worse then you do. Some people are ill, some have terrible family lives, some have money problems, relationship problems,weight problems... the list goes on.

We all feel as though our lives are ten times worse than everybody else's sometimes, but its important that we try to focus on what do have instead and being thankful for that.

God it feels better already to get that off of my chest!

Ciao Bellas 

xo